Intentional Living

How To Give A Relaxing Massage: Give Your Partner A Spa Day At Home!


One of the most effective ways to unwind and relieve stress is through the power of touch. With the endless pressures and stresses of daily life, learning the art of giving a soothing massage can be a valuable skill for taking care of the people you love. In this post, we’ll cover the secrets of offering a soothing massage that’ll leave your loved one feeling relaxed and rejuvenated. You don’t need to be a professional masseuse to master these techniques – lets jump in and learn the art of a relaxing massage so you can give your partner a wonderful spa day at home!

giving a massage


Set the Mood

Before diving into the massage, it’s important to create a relaxing atmosphere that will help your loved one unwind.

Create a Relaxing Ambiance

Dim the lights or use candles to create a soft, warm glow. Play some calming music at a low volume to help your loved one relax. You can even add some aromatherapy by using essential oils like lavender or chamomile.

Prepare the Massage Area

Choose a comfortable surface for your loved one to lie on, like a massage table or bed. Make sure the room is warm enough so they don’t get chilly during the massage. Place a sheet over the massage table and some towels or blankets nearby to cover them up when needed.

Get the Right Supplies for a Relaxing Massage

Before you start giving a relaxing massage to your loved one, it’s important to gather the right supplies for the job. Here are a few essential items that will help you create a calming atmosphere and give a soothing massage.

Choose the Perfect Massage Oil

One of the most important supplies you need for a relaxing massage is the right massage oil. Massage oils help to lubricate the skin and reduce friction, making it easier for your hands to glide over your loved one’s body.

pouring massage oil into palm of hand

When choosing a massage oil, consider your loved one’s preferences and any allergies they may have. Some popular massage oils include coconut oil, grape seed oil, and almond oil. You can also add essential oils to the massage oil to create a calming aroma and enhance the relaxation experience.

Massage Tables

Massage tables are one of the best massage tools for giving a massage. They can be a bit expensive but definitely worth it if you will be giving or receiving massages frequently. When giving a massage on a bed or couch, you will often have to do a lot of bending and reaching but a massage table can be adjust specifically to your height, to minimize bending. This also allows to you to position yourself on either side of the table to decrease reaching and strain on your own back.

massage table

Gather Other Essential Items

In addition to massage oil, there are a few other essential items that will make your massage experience more enjoyable for you and your loved one. Here are some items you should gather before starting:

  • A comfortable and sturdy massage table or surface

  • Soft blankets, pillows, or towels to keep your loved one warm and comfortable

  • Candles or dim lighting to create a soothing atmosphere

  • Relaxing music to enhance the massage experience

  • Aromatherapy diffuser or scented candles to create a calming aroma

By choosing the perfect massage oil and gathering essential items, you’ll be well on your way to giving a relaxing massage to your loved one.

supplies to help give a relaxing massage

Techniques for a Relaxing Massage

Giving a gentle massage or a relaxing massage to a loved one can be a great way to show your love and care for them. There are various techniques that can be used to give a relaxing massage, each with its own unique benefits. Let’s take a look at some benefits of massage, the popular Swedish massage techniques and other massage techniques that may be helpful:


Stroking is a very light massage technique used mainly at the beginning and/or the end of the massage. It is applied using the tips of your fingers.


Effleurage is a gentle stroking technique that can warm up the muscles and prepare them for deeper massage. This technique involves using long and slow strokes in a rhythmic pattern, moving in the direction of the heart. It can be used to promote relaxation and relieve stress.


Petrissage involves kneading, squeezing, and rolling the muscles. This technique is used to release tension and improve circulation. Petrissage can relieve pain and also help to reduce muscle soreness and improve flexibility.

Trigger Point Therapy

Trigger point therapy is a type of massage therapy that used compression to specific areas of tension. Areas where trigger point massage therapy is needed are areas of pain or tension, usually the most tender spot in the muscle, and when compressed can refer pain to other areas of the body. For example, headaches are often caused by trigger points from the neck or shoulder muscles. Pain is referred from the trigger point up into the head, commonly at the base of the skull or over the ear and into the temple area, depending on which muscle the trigger point is in.

trigger point therapy


Friction involves using circular or back-and-forth massage movements to create heat and pressure on the muscles. This technique is used to break down knots and scar tissue, as well as to improve mobility in the joints.


Tapotement involves using quick and rhythmic tapping or chopping movements on the muscles. This technique can be invigorating and stimulating, and is often used to improve blood flow and relieve muscle tension.


When giving a massage, it’s important to use a combination of different types of massage techniques to provide a well-rounded experience. Remember to communicate with your loved one and ask for feedback on pressure and technique.

Other Massage Styles and Techniques

There are various other forms and types of massage, such as Hot Stone Massage, Shiatsu Massage, Deep Tissue Massage, Sports Massage and Thai Massage. We won’t be discussing those in this article but if you are interest in those it is best to seek out a professional massage therapist or massage practitioners in your area.

Get Ready to Massage

Before you start giving a relaxing massage to your loved one, it is important to get yourself prepared. The right preparation can make all the difference in how effective and enjoyable the massage will be. Here are some tips to help you get ready:

Warm Up Your Hands

First and foremost, you want to make sure that your hands are warm and comfortable. Cold hands can be uncomfortable for the person receiving the massage, causing them to tense up. Cold hands can also limit your ability to apply the right pressure. To warm up your hands, you can run them under warm water, or rub them together vigorously for a few minutes.

Start with Muscle Squeezing

Once your hands are all warmed, start with some muscle squeezing. Use your hands to gently touch and squeeze the area you are going to be massaging, feeling for areas of tension and tightness. Watch if your loved one tenses up when touching a certain area. This could indicate an area of injury, discomfort or pain. If you are massaging the back or neck area, compare one side of the body to the other. Often one side of the body might be more stiff or overworked than the other due the type of work or activities they do. By gently squeezing the muscles, you are able to identify areas of concern that you can focus on later.

Next is Effleurage

Once you have identified any sensitive areas, apply a small amount of massage oil to your hands. Try not to add too much. You don’t want your hands to be flying around! Some friction is good. 

massage oil

Start with some gentle strokes, or Effleurage, to help your loved one relax and feel comfortable. This helps to warm up the muscles and spread the massage oil to the entire massage area. If you are working on the back, legs, or arms, start at the bottom and smoothly massage upwards or toward the heart. For example, on the back, start at the lower back, with one hand on either side of the spine. Use the pads of your fingers and the palm of your hands and smoothly glide your way up toward the neck and out towards the shoulders. Without losing contact, with a gentle touch move back to the lower back and repeat. Think of it like you are making an oval shape on either side of the spine, applying gentle pressure on the upstrokes, and a light touch on the way back. This will help to release tension and prepare the muscles for deeper massage.


Move Onto Petrissage

After the muscles have been warmed it’s time to move onto Petrissage. Petrissage, also called kneading, is more focused and uses more pressure than Effleurage. It can be stimulating or soothing depending on how it is used. For a relaxing massage, slow and calm is best.

Petrissage massage technique

To continue on with our example of the back, narrow your focus to one side of the back at a time. Starting with the lower back, use the palms of your hands in a circular motion and slowly work your way up the back toward the shoulders. If you are working on the left side, apply pressure in a counterclockwise motion and a clockwise motion on the right side of the body. This can help with circulation, by promoting blood flow toward the extremities. Gentle glide your hands back to the lower back and repeat. Using the palm of your hand allows you to apply a bit more pressure but is not as focused as using the pads of your fingers. Be mindful of any tender or painful areas where you might want to spend a little more time on. For these areas, you can use your fingers and thumbs to get a little more focused, as well as deeper pressure if needed. Deeper pressure can help loosen the muscle but it can also be painful, so ask how the pressure is and observe if the pressure makes your loved one tense up.

using thumbs during massage

From here, continue working on the same side of the back that you have been working on but position your body on the opposite side or the table or bed. So, if you are working on the left side of the back, stand on the right side of your loved one. Start at the lower back. With the palms of your hands push from beside the spine outward to the side of the back, or away from you, applying pressure on the away stroke and light pressure returning to the middle. Massage your way up the back toward the shoulders and repeat.


Now it is time to switch your focus to the other side of the back, the side you are now standing on. Use the same Petrissage techniques as you just did on the other side of the back.

*Frictions and Tapotement are techniques that are often not needed or necessary when giving a relaxing massage. They are more stimulating techniques and are used more frequently on areas of concern.

Effleurage to Stroking 

After finishing Petrissage on both sides for the back, continue with some Effleurage to the entire back. Some reverse Effleurage can also be helpful to increase circulation to the rest of the body. To do this, start at the shoulders and neck area and glide your hands down the length of the back toward the lower back.

woman giving a massage

Complete the relaxing massage with some gentle stroking, which is very gentle touching with tips of your fingertips. Start at the neck and shoulder and run your fingertips down the back towards the lower back. This is a very relaxing and calming way to end a massage. Don’t be surprised if you hear some deep breathing or snoring from your loved one!

massage stroking to complete massage

Remember, the key to a great massage is to be present and attentive to your loved one’s needs. Focus on the flow of the massage and try to make your different techniques connect together in a smooth and relaxing way. Take your time, and adjust your pressure and technique according to their feedback. With a little practice and patience, you can become a master at giving relaxing massages!

As you practice, you will come up with your own massage variations that work best for you.

For more information on massage techniques and tips, check out these related websites:

Target Key Areas

When it comes to giving a relaxing massage to a loved one, it’s important to focus on the key areas of the body that hold tension and stress. Here are some of the top areas to target during your next massage session:

Neck and Shoulders

The neck and shoulders are common areas for tension to build up, especially for those who spend a lot of time sitting at a desk, using a computer, or even driving. 

The neck and shoulder can be massaged as part of the back or on their own by having your loved one lay on their back on a massage table or bed. Position yourself above their head. You may want to sit on a stool to reduce strain on your back.

neck and shoulder massage

Head and Scalp

Don’t forget to spend some time working on the head and scalp when you are massaging the neck area. Use your fingertips to massage the scalp in circular motions, and gently rub the temples with your thumbs to relieve any tension.

head and scalp massage


The back is another area that tends to hold a lot of tension, especially for individuals who engage in physical labor or spend a lot of time standing or sitting in one position. 

For additional tips on back massages, visit this article on Verywell Health.

Feet and Hands

Don’t forget to give some love to your loved one’s feet and hands, which can also benefit from a relaxing massage. Use your thumbs to apply pressure to the arches of the feet and the palms of the hands, using circular motions to release tension.

Communication is Key

Giving a relaxing massage to a loved one can be a wonderful way to show your affection and care. However, it is important to remember that communication is key to ensuring that the massage is enjoyable and comfortable for both you and your partner.

Encourage Feedback

One of the best ways to ensure an enjoyable massage experience is to encourage feedback from your partner. Ask them if the pressure is too hard or too soft, and if they would like you to focus on any particular areas. By doing this, you can adjust your technique and ensure that your partner is comfortable throughout the massage.

It’s also important to create an environment where your partner feels comfortable giving feedback. Let them know that their comfort is your top priority, and that you want the massage to be as enjoyable as possible for both of you.

Ask About Preferences

Everyone has different preferences when it comes to massages. Some people prefer light, gentle touches, while others prefer deep, intense pressure. Some people enjoy having their feet massaged, while others may find it ticklish or uncomfortable.

Before you begin the massage, ask your partner about their preferences. This can help you tailor the massage to their specific needs, and ensure that they are comfortable and relaxed throughout the experience.

Check for Comfort

As you give the massage, it’s important to check in with your partner regularly to ensure that they are comfortable. Ask them if they need a pillow or blanket, or if they would like you to adjust the lighting or music. When your loved one is laying on prone or other their stomach, placing a pillow under the stomach and another under the feet can be comfortable. When lying supine, or on their back, a pillow under the knees may be helpful.

It’s also important to be aware of your partner’s body language. If they seem tense or uncomfortable, adjust your technique or pressure or ask if they need a break. The goal of the massage is to help your partner relax and feel good, so it’s important to prioritize their comfort throughout the experience.

Remember, communication is key to giving a relaxing and enjoyable massage. By encouraging feedback, asking about preferences, and checking for comfort, you can ensure that your partner has a wonderful massage experience and maybe they will give you one in return!

Roll Up Your Sleeves

Giving a relaxing and therapeutic massage to a loved one is a skill that can be easily learned and mastered! By setting the right atmosphere, using proper techniques, and focusing on communication, the massage experience can be both enjoyable and beneficial for both parties. Remember to always be gentle, patient, and attentive to your partner’s needs. With practice and dedication, a soothing massage can become a cherished bonding activity, bringing relaxation and happiness to your relationship. So, roll up your sleeves and let the massage transform your loved one’s day into a blissful escape from life’s stresses!